Welcome!

A fortnight before my twenty fourth year on this stage of fools, with apologies to Shakespeare, I visited my mentor, a man I hold in high regard. A towering intellectual. He decided to entertain me at a nearby alehouse, an ardent believer in the age long saying that in wine lies the truth.

Egbon: Oliver, place your order.
Me: I don’t drink alcohol.
Egbon: I insist. You are intelligent, but I get your best when you drink. Please drink something.
Me: Waiter, give me one Origin or Ice.
Egbon: Origin is better. It is medicinal and herbal.
Me: Egbon, it contains alcohol.
Egbon: It is only 6 percent. Besides, you are a social drinker.
Me: Mmmmh. Sounds fine.
Waiter: Oga, big or small?
Me: Small. Waiter, you wan kill me?
Waiter: No oga. I dey sell market. Take big abeg.
Egbon: Are you sure small is fine?
Me: I am a house fellowship leader.
Egbon: Hahahaaa. Oliver, do you know religion is counter productive?

After gulping the drink and feeling a bit tipsy:

Me: Religion clouds your reasoning. D. H. Lawrence once said you should ask questions.
Me: Religion says no.
Egbon: Waiter, bring another bottle.
Me: (collecting it shyly) Egbon, I am a house fellowship leader. I must not be caught in the act.
Egbon: What act?
Egbon: God is the giver of all things.
Me: Yes. However, moderation is civility.
Egbon: Moderation is alien to our culture. Here, selected politicians loot with impunity. We do not nibble. We devour.
Me: You have spoken well. Waiter, bring big.

The waiter rushes to the table.

Waiter: Oga, I tell you that time. Big dey save money. Make I bring two?
Me: No. Bring your freezer. Alakoba. Abeg change the CD to Fela and increase the volume. Thank you.
Egbon: How is your love life?
Me: Love sank with the Titanic in 1912. How is your wife?
Egbon: She is wifely. What do you think about the removal of Ajami from the hundred naira note?
Me: You mean the new note?
Egbon: Yes.
Me: It is a welcome development. Nigeria is multi ethnic with more than fifty nine languages, and the state language is English. We are bedevilled by dual idealism. We copy wrongly. Our concepts of secularism, democracy and federalism are warped. In a true secular state, a Sharia court is not permissive.
It is time we understood that a true federating unit should develop itself. Every state should pull itself up with its own bootstraps, from where it is to where it ought to be.
Egbon: Flow, Oliver. Please flow.
Me: The present breed of politicians are intellectual vegetables. They see public office as a path to enrich themselves. Political office in Nigeria is not a call to serve. It is a call to loot. They are lootocrats.
Egbon: Oliver Onyibe, you are a seraph among mortals. You are the hope of a working Lagos and Nigeria.
Me: Ase. We need to hit the road. It is getting dark.
Egbon: Yes. Let us go and prepare for the mystery of tomorrow.
Me: Waiter, take care of yourself and madam.
Waiter: Thank you oga. Abeg come tomorrow.
Me: If I get chance, I go come.
Waiter: Thank you oga social drinker.